I don't remember much of last night which means it must have been good. The X madness has ceased. Thankfully, it lasted for three days only. Sheer stubborness makes me not think about him. Who was I kidding? The only commitment I should make is my own to an institution. Maybe we'll be together again one day but right now we're too young and fucked up. Then again, perhaps in a decade I'll just be older and fucked up.
Summer is in full-swing. I'm loving the heat. Even the stickiness is welcome this year. I'm digging the beach, the sandals, the brown skin, the cocktails... If only life could be summer all the time. I'm starting to think that I don't do the cold.
In eleven minutes I'm going to start strolling down to the pub. Me, an Ipod and bare streets.... I am truly beginning to love my little walks. Though I think that maybe I go out too much. I slept at 6am and woke up at 2pm on Friday. My accomplices refused to go out with me again last night. I ended up repeating Friday. It was like Groundhog weekend, only the faces changed.
It is such a goddamn relief not to be unhappy. I might even dare say that I'm quite the opposite. Good lord, I think I'm actually happy.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
.Letter to the Universe.
Dear Universe,
Now that I'm happy again and shit, I was thinking that maybe it was time to start lookin' for some lovin' again. Well, I remember what one of your disciples told me a couple of years ago, that if you really want something and are willing to open your heart to it, the Universe (you) will give it to you.
Why not, I thought. Why not give it a try?
So I did Universe. I struggled, I really did, but somehow I prised my heart open, even if it was only a teensy little hole. Then I waited. A few months down the line I thought, chill dude. Watched pots never boil and all that jazz.
So I did Universe, I totally chilled. I decide to enjoy my single time and do all the things that I love so much that I wouldn't be able to do in a relationship. I drank, I flirted... OK, actually, that's basically it. In fact, one could say that I was happily single. Having developed an aversion to relationships early on in adulthood, I reminded myself constantly that, yes, singledom was good, but don't freak out if a dude comes along wanting to love you and shit. I'm prepared, I thought. I can do this.
So we arrive at last Wednesday... Universe, I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but when I asked you to send me someone, out of all the guys in your backyard, why the hell did you send me The Ex? You must know that I can't control myself around him. After so many years of cultivating my cool, unattainable, free-spirited persona.... you go and do something like that. Nice one.
I became seventeen again, Universe. I would have evened out pretty quickly, yes. After all, I am stronger than I was back then. Nicer too. But he didn't get to see that side, did he? After six years of building walls, they crumpled in as many hours. Pathetic.
So here I am, exactly one week later, back at square one because, despite the enormity of emotions, at the end of the day, the dude comes from a different part of the pond. Of course there is no future, right? I am an absent-minded carebear, albeit a bitchy one with a spicy temper. He's... well, a carebear he ain't. We come from different worlds. Hey, didn't you publish a book on women and men coming from Venus and Mars... huh, maybe you're on to something there.
So I am still single, though not exactly blissfully. I'm still a bit stunned, kind of like, whoa, what just happened? I feel like this is something I have to get over. How can a couple of trips to the beach be something I have to get over? I can't help it. The guy makes me feel good. Then again, it's kind of like how heroin makes a junkie feel good... you get the picture.
So thanks Universe. Thanks a whole fucking lot. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and treat this like some kind of test. You're just fucking with me, right? The real knight* is just around the corner.
You know, you've just cost me a fortune in cocktails and girly time. Not to mention the fact that my walls have gone up a bit higher. This is like some messed up video game where any mistake can lock you up in the proverbial tower FOREVER. Plus, who knows what silly things I'm going to do with strange boys on nights out. You know how reckess I can be when I've got my drink on.
I'll have a shot in your honour tonight, maybe the first, maybe the seventh, maybe all of them. I'll toast to you getting it right. For once in my twenty four years on this planet, get it right and let me be happy for a little while. Why can't I have a normal adult relationship like everyone else?
Thank you for your time and consideration, Universe. No hard feelings.
I look forward to hearing from you shortly.
Yours faithfully (though it's dwindling),
Alexia
PS: I wonder if YOU are seeing anyone at the moment, Universe. Maybe that would explain your dishevelled organisation skills these days. Just thought I'd ask.
* For all the feminists out there, I use the term 'knight' loosely. Obviously I can take care of myself. It would just be nice to let someone take the wheel every now and then. I fully intend to be their knightette in return.
Now that I'm happy again and shit, I was thinking that maybe it was time to start lookin' for some lovin' again. Well, I remember what one of your disciples told me a couple of years ago, that if you really want something and are willing to open your heart to it, the Universe (you) will give it to you.
Why not, I thought. Why not give it a try?
So I did Universe. I struggled, I really did, but somehow I prised my heart open, even if it was only a teensy little hole. Then I waited. A few months down the line I thought, chill dude. Watched pots never boil and all that jazz.
So I did Universe, I totally chilled. I decide to enjoy my single time and do all the things that I love so much that I wouldn't be able to do in a relationship. I drank, I flirted... OK, actually, that's basically it. In fact, one could say that I was happily single. Having developed an aversion to relationships early on in adulthood, I reminded myself constantly that, yes, singledom was good, but don't freak out if a dude comes along wanting to love you and shit. I'm prepared, I thought. I can do this.
So we arrive at last Wednesday... Universe, I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but when I asked you to send me someone, out of all the guys in your backyard, why the hell did you send me The Ex? You must know that I can't control myself around him. After so many years of cultivating my cool, unattainable, free-spirited persona.... you go and do something like that. Nice one.
I became seventeen again, Universe. I would have evened out pretty quickly, yes. After all, I am stronger than I was back then. Nicer too. But he didn't get to see that side, did he? After six years of building walls, they crumpled in as many hours. Pathetic.
So here I am, exactly one week later, back at square one because, despite the enormity of emotions, at the end of the day, the dude comes from a different part of the pond. Of course there is no future, right? I am an absent-minded carebear, albeit a bitchy one with a spicy temper. He's... well, a carebear he ain't. We come from different worlds. Hey, didn't you publish a book on women and men coming from Venus and Mars... huh, maybe you're on to something there.
So I am still single, though not exactly blissfully. I'm still a bit stunned, kind of like, whoa, what just happened? I feel like this is something I have to get over. How can a couple of trips to the beach be something I have to get over? I can't help it. The guy makes me feel good. Then again, it's kind of like how heroin makes a junkie feel good... you get the picture.
So thanks Universe. Thanks a whole fucking lot. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and treat this like some kind of test. You're just fucking with me, right? The real knight* is just around the corner.
You know, you've just cost me a fortune in cocktails and girly time. Not to mention the fact that my walls have gone up a bit higher. This is like some messed up video game where any mistake can lock you up in the proverbial tower FOREVER. Plus, who knows what silly things I'm going to do with strange boys on nights out. You know how reckess I can be when I've got my drink on.
I'll have a shot in your honour tonight, maybe the first, maybe the seventh, maybe all of them. I'll toast to you getting it right. For once in my twenty four years on this planet, get it right and let me be happy for a little while. Why can't I have a normal adult relationship like everyone else?
Thank you for your time and consideration, Universe. No hard feelings.
I look forward to hearing from you shortly.
Yours faithfully (though it's dwindling),
Alexia
PS: I wonder if YOU are seeing anyone at the moment, Universe. Maybe that would explain your dishevelled organisation skills these days. Just thought I'd ask.
* For all the feminists out there, I use the term 'knight' loosely. Obviously I can take care of myself. It would just be nice to let someone take the wheel every now and then. I fully intend to be their knightette in return.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
